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In the News! |
03/07/2006
Helping kids CLIMB through tough times
By DAVID SCALES , Middletown Press Correspondent
DURHAM -- Marli Roblee has to wake up a little earlier than most to commute to her
job at Aetna. Her first stop is the Middlesex Hospital Cancer Center for radiation
treatment to prevent her breast cancer from returning. After her diagnosis in 2003,
she was unsure how much to tell her 9-year-old son Jeffrey, but a solution appeared
when Roblee hosted a field trip and learned of a new outpatient program, Children's
Lives Include Moments of Bravery, at the Middlesex Hospital Cancer Center, 536 Saybrook
Road in Middletown.
The free, six-week program is designed to help children of parents or grandparents
with cancer deal with the emotional stress the disease can cause. Parent orientation
begins at the first meeting with subsequent meetings targeted toward the children.
After dinner, an hour and a half of discussing a feeling they call "the emotion
of the week" begins to help them understand their feelings.
"It's a learning experience for the child," Roblee said. "It's learning in the sense
that it takes away the fear of the unknown. We can handle anything if we know about
it,"
By using arts and crafts, the kids learn how to calm their anxiety about a family
member's illness. One exercise is to make a paper box, which is called a "strongbox."
On the box are pictures of things the children make to help them feel better, such
as sports, music, friends, etc. After it's finished, they put inside that they put
little slips of paper inside with their worries written on it. The idea behind the
box is the worry slips deposited inside and the positive pictures on the outside
help children literally place their fear in a box of their own strength.
"Jeffrey put in a couple of worry slips like 'I'm afraid my mom and dad are going
to die,'" Roblee said. "He had my husband and I fill out worry slips, and once you
put the worry slip in the box, they're not weighing on your mind. They're not weighing
on you."
Roblee discovered a lump on her breast. Thinking it was a cyst, a biopsy was done.
She was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2003, and it was confirmed as malignant
in January 2004.
Roblee had many questions. "How do I tell my son? How can I keep him from being
afraid? I don't want to tell him too much, but how much is enough," Roblee said.
"That's where CLIMB is fantastic!"
The program doesn't stop with arts and crafts; kids are also familiarized with the
equipment used to treat cancer. Jeffrey was shown the room where his mother undergoes
radiation treatments and was encouraged by the new weapons in the anti-cancer arsenal.
"He's asking me questions when he has concerns and it's not just this glassy-eyed
look," Roblee said. "Now he understands more and we can talk about it and I'm able
to reassure him that everything's going to be fine."
When not in class at John Lyman Middle School in Middlefield, exercising his love
of math, Jeffrey lends a hand at home.
"I've been helping her in the house and I've been getting things she shouldn't be
getting up for," Jeffrey said. "I lift things like laundry baskets. It's tough to
know that my mom had cancer and now we're getting through it and it's all better."
Roblee said because of CLIMB, the lines of communication between her and Jeffrey
are open wider than before. Jeffrey has begun to teach his mother how to snowboard.
He also said she does pretty well on powdery snow, but tends to wipe out on icy
slopes.
Wendy Peterson, is an advanced practice registered nurse, specializing in psychiatry
and psycho-oncology, who runs the program. She said the goal is to help children
find ways to cope with strong feelings associated with having a sick family member.
Parents are also given support to help speak with their children if fears and questions
arise.
"When somebody has cancer, people normally get upset," Peterson said. "It's normal
for a family's life to be disrupted, it's normal for children to have feelings,
and it's necessary for children to express how they feel and have age-appropriate
information."
Anne Campbell-Maxwell, administrative director for the cancer center, discovered
The Children's Treehouse Foundation, a nonprofit organization in Denver, Colo. Basing
it on their model, CLIMB has gained some national attention. She recently returned
from a national psycho-oncology meeting where the CLIMB program was introduced to
a national audience with The Children's Treehouse Foundation founder, Peter van
Dernoot.
The six-week pilot program finished in December, and another is beginning, and hopes
are high for a continuation. Jeffrey and Marli said they would both love to come
back.
Peterson remains hopeful that the program will not only be able to continue, but
expand. The group will have a reunion in April.
"We're really trying to increase awareness so that more children can be referred
to the program," Peterson said.
"Our ultimate goal is to increase the participation of the children and we're also
developing a concurrent parent program.
"The parent program will be focused on giving parents information about what is
age-appropriate information to give children because children have different cognitive
abilities depending upon their age."
Roblee hopes to keep hitting the slopes and one day see Jeffery get his license,
go to his prom, and one day rock her grandchildren. She is currently undergoing
reconstructive surgery.
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Lifeline: Help with a tough conversation
Sunday, October 29, 2006
If you're a parent who's been diagnosed with cancer, one of the toughest things you'll face is figuring out how to help your kids cope with your unsettling news.
The first thing you should NOT do is rush straight home and blurt it all out. Instead, let a few days or a week pass before you have your sit-down talk.
"This gives you time to think through what you're going to say to your children, to anticipate their questions and how you might answer them," said author Peter van Dernoot, whose "Helping Your Children Cope with Your Cancer: A Guide for Parents and Families, Second Edition" (Hatherleigh Press, $15.95) was just released to coincide with October's Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Control is key.
Most importantly, this self-imposed grace period will allow you to get your emotions under control so that you can talk to your children in well-modulated tones and without breaking down. "If Mom says, 'I'm going to be okay and we're going to fight this,' but she's wringing her hands and crying, it's a mixed message," van Dernoot said.
Be ready in case your child asks, "Are you going to die?"
Be honest.
You need to be honest and try to focus on the positive as much as possible. "If you say, 'I'm not going to die,' and, unfortunately, a couple of years later, the parent does die, the surviving parent will be reminded by the child, 'You lied to me,'" said van Dernoot, whose late wife was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer at 45, when the couple's children were 11 and 15.
Try van Dernoot's suggested approach with your kids: "We're going to be talking to the very best doctors and oncologists we can find and we'll do everything we can to try to beat this cancer. Survival rates are extraordinarily high, now, because of new medications and treatments."
Don't forget this part: "We will be very honest with you and we will talk to you. As we know new things, we'll let you know, also."
-- Meg Nugent
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